Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
