Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
