it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
