i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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