brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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