She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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