i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
