I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
