you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
