If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
