I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
