Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
