He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
