The maid of honor just puked.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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