What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
