This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
