Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
