I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
