i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
