Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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