The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
