Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
