my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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