8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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