just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
