Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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