Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
