so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
