I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
