Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
