Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
