its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
