I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think a kid would responsible me up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
