i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
