Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
