I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
