You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
