I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
