dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
only you would photoshop your dick
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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