I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
