Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
