I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
