3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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