I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
