k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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