my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
