Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
