I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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