Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
