Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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